Hmmmm...

Hmmmmm... Recently ive had a huge question as to what to do with my life O_o. Like, i realized all i do is play video games, and watch tv for the most part... And ive been thinking about what i want to do when im older. So ive come to my trusty blogger friends >:D.. I definitely want to have a job similar to a zoologist. But even the highly paid zoologists are only making about 30-50grand a year. Not horrible money but see i have alot of plans with what i want to do...



I have to go to australia sometime in my life, ive been discussing this quite a bit. so far my plan is definitely college somewhere in australia.It's been my dream to go to australia since i was a little tyke watching steve irwin (R.I.P) Hence my wanting to be a zoologist. But not only australia, ive got to go to africa too...


See i do have a reasoning to this crazy little dream. See even though i may have a rough outer shell, i really do have a soft spot for humanity ;). Africa is one of this worlds countries that needs the most help. In my view, i'll probably have money if half the things i want to do with my life happen(they will)... and that money could be used for my own luxury, or they could be used to help a child go to sleep whos starving. We grow up sheltered under our parents, heck alot of the kids in africa dont have parents because they were killed. Not gunna go into my crazy reasoning but its definitely another project of mine. after those to things surely my life must be already packed with enough crazy adventures. Nope, next stop paris.



Paris... well theres no real reason to want to go to paris except that it sounds like a beautiful city, so i plan to go there as well... Ive had alot of dreams since i was probably 10 about standing under the eifle tower. Just standing... watching the world go by :) But still after these destinations, i do have one last dream with my life. I think this above everything else is important to me...

I need to live in boulder colorado. My cousin brent lived and died here. I've got to do this and im going to make it happen :).

Back to my original question, any idea what would be a good profession?

Anywayzzz ive got to head to bed everyone :D

GNIGHT ALL :D

P.s Gnight Chris. ^_^

Im alive...

I promise im still around ;)

Inner demons :\

This is one of those blogs where i just need to vent. For those people who really dont want to know whats going on in my head, just close my blog now k?

So to start out with im randomly mad/sad all the time. I always feel like crying, and i always feel like im alone. My social life is pretty much dead, and i dont have alot of entertainment here at home. This girl i really like is just impossible to stay with because EVERYTHING is against us. And wow. Just wow >_<
truthfully everyone i talk to is mad at me most of the time for no reason now. They all tell me how crappy i am to them and how im a terrible friend. I dont know what it is i do or dont do to make them so mad. When i finally think i have someone who isnt mad at me to hang out with... I ask if they can come over ... And every time my mom says no. her quote from last night

Me: Mom i feel really alone and bored all the time :\...
Mom: I dont really care jared. I dont feel like dealing with your loser friends right now.

So im pretty tired of that.
im always sad because what plans i do have usually end up crashing and burning.

Dude i cant even express how... something i am right now. Its like a mixture of mad/sad/bored/tired...

If you didnt know probably 2 years ago i tried to kill myself. I was loaded up on anti depressants and crap like that for months. And now im starting to feel all those feelings i did back then. I miss having friends, plans... Just entertainment in general.

In all truth i think its because im very very tired. Tired of being alone, being bored, being judged... and somedays even unappreciated. I used to be a very very screwy kid. And ive been trying so hard to change for the people i care about. Nobody gets that im trying. they all think i dont try. or that im not changing. And it annoys the hell out of me...
Im coming back from having no friends, no faith, NOTHING. I was a jerk, I didnt care about much of anything. And everyday i feel like i have to prove myself over and over. Just so that people understand how much im attempting to change for them.But people still tell me they dont see me trying. Im done listening to those people. If you dont think im trying screw off. I dont need to hear your crap on top of the other stuff im trying to do for you. Im obviously wasting my time trying to prove that im different.

So all in all i need an outlet. Somebody that thinks im genuienly trying. I need something. Theres this huge empty feeling i have. And im not sure what it is. Ill probably get multiple messages saying i need to devote everything to god, otherwise im not going to get a full feeling from everything. And i get that. Im trying to get myself back to god. so i dont need those messages.

I probably just confused the crap out of everyone. Sorry, but i just needed somewhere to let stuff out.

Is anyone bored?

Dude if you actually read my posts ill write another one like right away. If i get 3 people to comment >:D

Church cookout

so yesterday there was a cookout at the church as you very well know. it was a fun day :}. It started out with me getting new jeans muhahahahahah ive been waiting for months to get new jeans:D but anyway... Chris and matt came and got me and we started our day out. basically it was like the water fight but less wet for me and alot of other people too.

Early on in the day Chris talked me into going on a canoe ride. And i HATE canoes. so most of the time i was just thinkin... Find a happy place find a happy place >_<. so like the entire canoe ride i was giving spaced out answers. They had some random talk about personality types and were trying to get me to talk. So i was giving spaced out answers like. Mhm. yeah. Uhhh yep.... :} it was funny. Then when we tried to get out we couldnt get the canoe up cuz no one was helping. And yeah that didnt help my dislike of canoes either. But i got through the rest of the day without anymore canoeing :}

Later on we went on a hay ride. And it was PERFECT for reasons id rather not state =)
But we were being stupid and jumping on and off the thing. it was great :D and one time we decided we were going to run ahead and sit down. So he started charging towards us >:D i stayed sitting down and he stopped muhahahah it was funny.

Im exhausted tonight so i dont feel like typing a whole lot more than that >_<

Rockers For Knockers

Okay so last ngiht alex Burke and i went to a conert called rockers for knockers. I swear it was the funniest night ive had in a while. LOL it was GREAT. local bands played a bunch of their songs. Well, there was this huge group of drunken people probably all in their 30s. and we were running around outside making videos and doing stupid stuff. a bunch if them decided to leave. As all of you know i have BEAUTIFUL hair :P One lady decided that admiring it from afar wasnt quite enough. She decided to ask if i was a pot dealr because white boys dont have long hair, and proceeded to put it into a ponytail and yell it looked prettier that way.

but dont let just one lady end it for ya. Later on a drunken woman probably in her 20's needed a smoke. she came out side and saw alex and i sitting around. She took a cigarette and the dialogue of the conversation was sort of like this

Lady : oh my *puff* i shouldnt*puff* smoke around*puff* kids.
Alex and I: ROFLWAFFLE
lady : how old *puff* are you *puff* kids?
alex : Im 15
jared : 14... why?
lady : OHH MY *PUFF* GOSH i have a 14 *puff* year old daughter. and you look SOOO much older than she does
*puts out cigarette*(to husband) give me another.

after that we decided to walk off. Well later we thought itd be funny as heck to ask her if her daughter was hot. so we walked outside and this conversation went like so

jared : yo.. is your daugther hot? i mean im single and hey im looking :D
alex : shutup idiot ur not single
jared : SHH

the lady obviously drunk answered like so

Lady: Sex driven teenagers!

Which made my day LOL.

The rest of the night was basically the same... Drunken mothers.

Eventually we got bored of telling people we were 14/15. so we found new way to entertain ourselves. We found a beaten up smoking thingy where people could put there cigarettes. We took it out of the trash can and we kicked it over and over demanding it give us the Chocolate coated sugar puffs! We threw it and what not. eventually one mom wanted to know why we were beating up a small black child. haha some of the people were SO funny.

anyway yeah i wanted to tell you all how much of a social life i had last night. It was great :}

HELP :(

okay so recently my social life has pretty much died. I used to be out all the time, no not at parties or getting in trouble. Just out doing SOMETHING. Recently there isnt a thing that i do other than church and gymnastics. I mean comon people im 14 and i SERIOUSLY need SOMETHING to do >_<

If any of you have any suggestions, please feel free to tell me O_O
Ohhh and if ANYONE has a way where i can get out shooting some guns thatd be fantabulous I mean for reall i really wanna shoot some.

I really dont care what it is you want to do ill do it. as long as it doesnt involve illegal stuff... :D
calllllllll meeeeee iffff youuu haveeee plannssss dudeeeeee O_O
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